Twice one day people asked for tickets to “Expandables.” Are they speaking with an accent, or do they think it’s a documentary about my pants?
Me, to Customer I Just Handed 43 Dollars in Change to: “Would you like to donate to the Will Rogers Institute?”
Customer: “No, I don’t have any cash.”
- Caller: "What are your prices?"
- Me: 7.25 matinee, 9.75 at night.
- Caller: "Hold on."
- New Voice: "Yeah, we're trying to figure out if there's a time where prices are cheaper."
- Me: ...Yes. Tickets are 7.25 during our matinee, and 9.75 after 6 pm.
- New Voice: "And when does matinee end?"
- Me: ...6 pm.
- New Voice: (hangs up)
Customer, after learning the military discount doesn’t apply to those who have just enlisted: “Fine, but if I die in combat, you’re gonna feel real guilty you didn’t give it to me.”
“Eat, Pray, Love.” People getting the words out of order, I can deal with. These, on the other hand…
“Two for ‘Faith Love Food,’ please.”
“One for ‘Eat, Drink and Be Merry.’”
Customer: “I’ll see ‘Eat Pray Love’ with Julie Andrews.” Question: Who should be more offended, Julia Roberts or Julie Andrews?
- Me: Thank you for calling Rave Motion Pictures Levis Commons, this is Jeff, may I help you?
- Caller: "Yeah, Jeff, are you guys a restaurant?"
- Me: ...No, we're a movie theater.
- Caller: "Oh." (hangs up)
- Guy: "Charlie St. Cloud."
- Me: Just one?
- Guy: "TWO!!!"
- Translation: "YES, I AM SEEING THIS MOVIE WITH A WOMAN! NOT OF MY OWN CHOICE! BOY, I SURE AM A MANLY MAN WHO WOULD NEVER, EVER BE CAUGHT DEAD AT A ZAC EFRON MOVIE WITHOUT FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP! NOW, OFF TO CHOP DOWN SOME TREES!"
Dear filmmakers: when you give a film a quirky title like ‘The Kids Are All Right,’ 50% of the audience will mangle it. “Two for ‘Children Are All Grown Up.’”
A bunch of teenagers just fished a popcorn bucket out of the garbage and took it to the stand to scam a free refill. Say it with me: Ewww.
- Woman: "What movie are we seeing?"
- Friends: "Inception."
- Woman: "One for Conception, please."
- Me: Immaculate or traditional?
“4 for Eclipse.” Is that all? “Yes.” Money exchanged. Then, he adds, “And 2 for Solitary Man.” Pays with same money. Then that WASN’T ALL, RIGHT?
- Customer: "What do you think, 'Inception' or 'Predators?'"
- Me: Haven't seen 'Predators,' 'Inception is very, very good.
- Customer: "Four for 'Predators.'"
- Internal Monologue: Glad to know my opinion means practically nothing to you. Sigh...
- Me: Would you like to make a donation to the Will Rogers Institute?
- Customer: "Heck, no! He's been dead for years!"
English: “Are your theaters selling out tonight?”
Customer: “Are they fillin’ up, like, quick, the movie rooms?”
Customer: “Two for the Bender.”
Hmm. What exactly is he looking for?
A.) A ‘Hangover’ prequel?
B.) A ‘Futurama’ spinoff?
C.) A typical Mel Gibson Saturday night?
- Customer: "How is 'Grown-ups?"
- Me: I don't know, I haven't seen it.
- Customer: "Is it funny?"
- Internal Monologue: Second verse. Same as the first.
- Customer: "Which is better, Prince of Persia or A-Team?"
- Internal Monologue: "Which is better, syphilis or gangrene?"
Me: It’s $43.
Customer hands me 40.
Me: Uh, it’s $3 more.
Customer takes BACK 5.
Me: …No, it was 3 MORE than that.
Then, he counts his cash & hands me…a total of $46.
Now…W. T. F?
Guy asks for a “syllabus.” I’m pretty sure he just wanted the movie summary sheet, unless he thinks he’s going to class here.