Very Often Wrong

Often Wrong Titles, Six.

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 08:57:35 -0500

Twice one day people asked for tickets to “Expandables.” Are they speaking with an accent, or do they think it’s a documentary about my pants?

Call me crazy, but I suspect you're not being entirely honest.

Fri, 04 Nov 2011 11:41:12 -0400

Me, to Customer I Just Handed 43 Dollars in Change to: “Would you like to donate to the Will Rogers Institute?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have any cash.”

I Don't Know, Third Base.

Fri, 28 Oct 2011 13:03:08 -0400

Caller: "What are your prices?"

Me: 7.25 matinee, 9.75 at night.

Caller: "Hold on."

New Voice: "Yeah, we're trying to figure out if there's a time where prices are cheaper."

Me: ...Yes. Tickets are 7.25 during our matinee, and 9.75 after 6 pm.

New Voice: "And when does matinee end?"

Me: ...6 pm.

New Voice: (hangs up)

A Positive Attitude in All Things.

Wed, 26 Oct 2011 15:47:56 -0400

Customer, after learning the military discount doesn’t apply to those who have just enlisted: “Fine, but if I die in combat, you’re gonna feel real guilty you didn’t give it to me.”

Often Wrong Titles, Five.

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 21:35:38 -0400

“Eat, Pray, Love.” People getting the words out of order, I can deal with. These, on the other hand…

“Two for ‘Faith Love Food,’ please.”

“One for ‘Eat, Drink and Be Merry.’”

Marin Poppovich

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 10:41:30 -0400

Customer: “I’ll see ‘Eat Pray Love’ with Julie Andrews.” Question: Who should be more offended, Julia Roberts or Julie Andrews?

No, but thank you for calling, King of Town.

Fri, 07 Oct 2011 22:05:46 -0400

Me: Thank you for calling Rave Motion Pictures Levis Commons, this is Jeff, may I help you?

Caller: "Yeah, Jeff, are you guys a restaurant?"

Me: ...No, we're a movie theater.

Caller: "Oh." (hangs up)

Secure in His Manhood.

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 03:36:53 -0400

Guy: "Charlie St. Cloud."

Me: Just one?

Guy: "TWO!!!"

Translation: "YES, I AM SEEING THIS MOVIE WITH A WOMAN! NOT OF MY OWN CHOICE! BOY, I SURE AM A MANLY MAN WHO WOULD NEVER, EVER BE CAUGHT DEAD AT A ZAC EFRON MOVIE WITHOUT FEMALE COMPANIONSHIP! NOW, OFF TO CHOP DOWN SOME TREES!"

Often Wrong Titles, Four.

Thu, 29 Sep 2011 14:56:09 -0400

Dear filmmakers: when you give a film a quirky title like ‘The Kids Are All Right,’ 50% of the audience will mangle it. “Two for ‘Children Are All Grown Up.’”

Stick It to The Man. And Your Digestive Tract.

Wed, 28 Sep 2011 10:36:28 -0400

A bunch of teenagers just fished a popcorn bucket out of the garbage and took it to the stand to scam a free refill. Say it with me: Ewww.

If It's the Latter, May I Help You With That?

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 22:28:43 -0400

Woman: "What movie are we seeing?"

Friends: "Inception."

Woman: "One for Conception, please."

Me: Immaculate or traditional?

Maybe "Yes" Means Something Different on Your Planet.

Sun, 25 Sep 2011 01:49:48 -0400

“4 for Eclipse.” Is that all? “Yes.” Money exchanged. Then, he adds, “And 2 for Solitary Man.” Pays with same money. Then that WASN’T ALL, RIGHT?

Your Opinion is Requested, But Not Entirely Necessary.

Wed, 21 Sep 2011 23:07:04 -0400

Customer: "What do you think, 'Inception' or 'Predators?'"

Me: Haven't seen 'Predators,' 'Inception is very, very good.

Customer: "Four for 'Predators.'"

Internal Monologue: Glad to know my opinion means practically nothing to you. Sigh...

Priorities, sir. Priorities.

Tue, 20 Sep 2011 07:23:12 -0400

Me: Would you like to make a donation to the Will Rogers Institute?

Customer: "Heck, no! He's been dead for years!"

English-to-Customer Translator

Sat, 17 Sep 2011 02:14:02 -0400

English: “Are your theaters selling out tonight?”

Customer: “Are they fillin’ up, like, quick, the movie rooms?”

Multiple Choice!

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 20:55:48 -0400

Customer: “Two for the Bender.”

Hmm. What exactly is he looking for?

A.) A ‘Hangover’ prequel?

B.) A ‘Futurama’ spinoff?

C.) A typical Mel Gibson Saturday night?

Um, see previous answer.

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 05:57:49 -0400

Customer: "How is 'Grown-ups?"

Me: I don't know, I haven't seen it.

Customer: "Is it funny?"

Internal Monologue: Second verse. Same as the first.

The Agony of Choice

Wed, 14 Sep 2011 07:44:48 -0400

Customer: "Which is better, Prince of Persia or A-Team?"

Internal Monologue: "Which is better, syphilis or gangrene?"

A Math Problem, Two.

Tue, 13 Sep 2011 01:45:34 -0400

Me: It’s $43.

Customer hands me 40.

Me: Uh, it’s $3 more.

Customer takes BACK 5.

Me: …No, it was 3 MORE than that.

Then, he counts his cash & hands me…a total of $46.

Now…W. T. F?

The University of Sticky Floors

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 12:12:24 -0400

Guy asks for a “syllabus.” I’m pretty sure he just wanted the movie summary sheet, unless he thinks he’s going to class here.